As I write this last blog for the year 2011 it is with much gratitude to all of you for helping me on this journey. Also much gratitude to a Heavenly Father or what ever higher being you might believe in. I am thanful in my faith and trust in someone I cannot see, yet opens so many doors especially for me this year. It has been 10 days since i've blogged. My daughter had wiped everything off my computer and didn't explain to me how to get back on. Finally I tried and it worked.
There has been several things that have been on my mind. A week ago I overheard two women talking in the shower room at the Sports Academy. The one was comenting how hard the holidays are to watch your eating, with all the treats, parties, etc. My daughter and I was sitting in the hot tub. I turned to her and said, yea, it hasn't been any fun. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I told her what had been said, and she asked me what hadn't been any fun. I answered by recalling everything I hadn't done Like making all the wonderful candy I always make, eating what was dropped by by friends and neighbors etc. As I thought about what had just come out of my mouth I thought how stupid it sounded. How could eating the way I had always eaten for all these years be fun. Being a prisoner in my body and house...Now that's no fun.
Food for thought uh? The next night we had the privalege of going up to the university to watch the show put on by Pickelville. I remembered how a year ago just tring to get in to the building took me forever I kept having to stop and sit to catch my breath. This year I was out of the car keeping up with the kids and before any of us realized we had walked to the building and were in our seats. Now that was fun! But I'll be honest I've not been a happy lady since then. I don't know whats going on. It's almost like it's scaring me if I change so I have gotten really grumpy(really the B word), and everyone is ready to throw me away. I fight with everyone, especially my kids, My poor trainer, I have fought everything anyone says to me. If someone says to exercise I want to do the opposite, if someone says don't eat that I eat twice as much as I should. If I wasn't 50 I'd swear I was my two year old grand daughter.
So the moral of this story is in two hours2011 is over. My family and I have been extremely blessed, this last month I have spun my wheels, really not going backward but not going forward like I wanted or where I wanted to be by now.
So as 2012 rings in so do new goals, decisions, blessings, adventures, and who knows what...
My wish for myself is just to take it by minutes, hours, days, months. Baby steps will turn into great accomplishments, physically, mentally, etc. I wish all of you a great New Year! I hope the best for all of us on whatever journey any of us might be on. Stay with me on my journey and we'll start cruising instead of spinning. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
12/21/11
Had a good workout today! I finally felt like I had done ... more, maybe is what I'm tring to explain. I'm still not sure. It's been a hard couple of weeks. My shoulder is getting worse, and I have made a dr. appointment for this afternoon.
Went to the Dr. and he took X-rays said it was tendenitus or bursidious, he didn't think it was anything to bad, it just wasn't use to being used. He gave me a cortizone shot and said not to use it till next week.
REALLY... it's Christmas!
I had a talk this week with a gal that has lost over 100 lbs. It's taken her over 2 years so she said she lost about 5 lbs a month. I said I've got to do more than that. She said something like... she did it slow to learn. That kind of hit home, I'm not lossing like I want to, but there are things I'm learning. Even though most of the time I'm feeling that I'm not. Then something happens that I can do that I couldn't and it hits home maybe I am making progress. I kind of let myself feel happy today. My trainer thinks I'm to negative, so as she had me standing up and sitting down she made me say something positive about myself, which is a really hard thing to do. But one of the times I said someone commented to me this week that I've lost in my face, I don't have as many chins. She laughed and said I made her laugh. I like when my trainer is happy, and I feel I haven't wasted her time. She is so patient, and really is working on not only my physical but mental as well.
Now the goal is to conquer writing down what I'm eating.
The holiday eating hasn't actually been to bad, as treats come in my kids eat them before I see them or before I can see what nice people have brought in so I have no idea what to thank them for. (could be a problem) Oh well december and this year will soon be over, and I would imagine when Jan. hits the sports academy will be packed with new people starting their new journey just as I am. I wish everyone well, this facility has a great staff that care very much about the people that come here. I hope you that are reading this have a very merry Christmas and that 2012 brings many changes for the good. Thanks for joining me on my journey, and I get to skype with my son, (the one on the mission) on Christmas and am so excited, I can't help but think about next year at this time, and hope I can keep this journey going so that when he see's me next year I WILL be the changed mom I promised he'd come home to. I have to remember one day, hour and sometimes minute's at a time.
Went to the Dr. and he took X-rays said it was tendenitus or bursidious, he didn't think it was anything to bad, it just wasn't use to being used. He gave me a cortizone shot and said not to use it till next week.
REALLY... it's Christmas!
I had a talk this week with a gal that has lost over 100 lbs. It's taken her over 2 years so she said she lost about 5 lbs a month. I said I've got to do more than that. She said something like... she did it slow to learn. That kind of hit home, I'm not lossing like I want to, but there are things I'm learning. Even though most of the time I'm feeling that I'm not. Then something happens that I can do that I couldn't and it hits home maybe I am making progress. I kind of let myself feel happy today. My trainer thinks I'm to negative, so as she had me standing up and sitting down she made me say something positive about myself, which is a really hard thing to do. But one of the times I said someone commented to me this week that I've lost in my face, I don't have as many chins. She laughed and said I made her laugh. I like when my trainer is happy, and I feel I haven't wasted her time. She is so patient, and really is working on not only my physical but mental as well.
Now the goal is to conquer writing down what I'm eating.
The holiday eating hasn't actually been to bad, as treats come in my kids eat them before I see them or before I can see what nice people have brought in so I have no idea what to thank them for. (could be a problem) Oh well december and this year will soon be over, and I would imagine when Jan. hits the sports academy will be packed with new people starting their new journey just as I am. I wish everyone well, this facility has a great staff that care very much about the people that come here. I hope you that are reading this have a very merry Christmas and that 2012 brings many changes for the good. Thanks for joining me on my journey, and I get to skype with my son, (the one on the mission) on Christmas and am so excited, I can't help but think about next year at this time, and hope I can keep this journey going so that when he see's me next year I WILL be the changed mom I promised he'd come home to. I have to remember one day, hour and sometimes minute's at a time.
Friday, December 16, 2011
12/16/11
Every since I've come home from being with my mother I've been playing catch up. Today was very tough, I'm starting to feel the presure of Christmas, and I needed to get my grand daughters Christmas dress done (it's not started) It was for her birthday which is tommorrow. But I had to take care of this person, and that person, or that thing or this thing. I was very frustrated and called my trainer and yelled I wasn't coming for my training and that it wasn't worth it. Bless her heart she called back, and and had to deal with my yelling, crying, etc. She rescheduled me, and I was still trying to get things done so I was mad when my daughter made me go. It just seems to be getting in the way. I know it's not I'm just fittin again. Which seems to be all I do. My trainer called it PMS. My daughter called it not using my time wisely. I didn't have any energy, I just couldn't get into it. I am just so tired, I don't know what's the matter. I hope tomorrow is better.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
12/14/11
Sorry I haven't blogged, I have been out of town. I was called last Sat. and told my mother had fallen and was taken to the hospital. I have been with her trying to get her back up and going.
But what I want talk about what happened when I went. My brothers wife had called me and told me that to get into the hospital was a lot of walking, I had remembered my walking stiks, so I was ready. It was a maze and quite a long walk which I did at least 4 times a day, some days it was more. I even had taken my swim suit with me because I knew my brother would be swimming every morning, so I went with him. So all in all my mother is doing better and I did extremely well with preplanning so I was able to exercise and didn.t do to bad even with my eating. I was proud of what I did.
The most fun thing I was able to do though was I took my daughters family Sunday night to Temple Square and was able to walk Temple Square and look at the lights. I want you to realize I haven't been to temple square since my oldest daughter was a little girl. I've never took my younger kids there because I wouldn't have never been able to make it. I cried when I got back to the car because I feel so blessed with whats been offered to me and how it's changing my life. Thank you to all who help me, and to all of you that encourage me. I am so blessed and this time of year really feel the blessings I have recieved. Life is Good and it is MY TIME!
But what I want talk about what happened when I went. My brothers wife had called me and told me that to get into the hospital was a lot of walking, I had remembered my walking stiks, so I was ready. It was a maze and quite a long walk which I did at least 4 times a day, some days it was more. I even had taken my swim suit with me because I knew my brother would be swimming every morning, so I went with him. So all in all my mother is doing better and I did extremely well with preplanning so I was able to exercise and didn.t do to bad even with my eating. I was proud of what I did.
The most fun thing I was able to do though was I took my daughters family Sunday night to Temple Square and was able to walk Temple Square and look at the lights. I want you to realize I haven't been to temple square since my oldest daughter was a little girl. I've never took my younger kids there because I wouldn't have never been able to make it. I cried when I got back to the car because I feel so blessed with whats been offered to me and how it's changing my life. Thank you to all who help me, and to all of you that encourage me. I am so blessed and this time of year really feel the blessings I have recieved. Life is Good and it is MY TIME!
12/9/11
On the 6th I talked about wanting a GUT BOMB. I had one! I scarred my trainer when I said that. I made my own! I had heard two ladies talking in the bread dept. about these new 1/2 size hamburger buns. So I bought those and measured out my 97 persent fat free hamberger and made my own. I made my own fries by broiling them in the oven and had my own gut bomb dinner. It was delicious and I proved even when I'm craving something bad I can have it. It was a great ahha moment.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
12/8/11
Weigh in Day - Lost three pounds. I get so frustrated because everyone says thats great, Heck I wasn't happy with 7 - 8lbs, 3 is not enough. Like I said the other day I'm having a piti party. Why isn't it enough to be feeling so much better, why isn't enough to see how much more I can do than just six weeks ago. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I'm making new friends, friends that have no idea how much their helping me. (THANK YOU) Why does the negative creep in, I'm down how come I can't be happy with that?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
12/6/11
Somebody in water arobics today asked if I realized how far I've come. I asked what she ment. She recalled when I first started which was the last of Oct. I barely made it into the pool and to the benches where I sat to catch my breath. Now she said I don't do that any more. I didn't realize people were observing, I knew they were watching me, people usually do if your obese, but for them to take the time to get to know me and then encourage me helps me tremendously. Thank you to you all that are helping me on my journey, and way to go to those that are doing your journey with me.
There are times I still ask myself if it's worth it. There's been days I've been at the Sports Academy for 5 hours. There are days I would really like to eat anything I want. There are days I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices. These are my pity days. I seem to be going into them this week. I have been told quite often that life is a roller coaster, you'll have your good days and your bad days. I want a great big 1/2 pound GUT BOMB, with lots of fries. But then the, I'm suppose to be grateful side, says how could you even think of such a terrible thing. Look at all the people that are tring to help you change your life, your terrible for wanting that aweful GUT BOMB. These are the voices I've talked about from the start of my blog. Actually as I read back blogs it's quite comical how much influence the voices have over me.
By just bloging it has helped me a little get over the pity party I seem to be having today. So I guess I'll put my big girl panties on (in this case it's my swim suit again) and go back to the academy for the night water arobics class. I know it will make me feel better!
There are times I still ask myself if it's worth it. There's been days I've been at the Sports Academy for 5 hours. There are days I would really like to eat anything I want. There are days I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices. These are my pity days. I seem to be going into them this week. I have been told quite often that life is a roller coaster, you'll have your good days and your bad days. I want a great big 1/2 pound GUT BOMB, with lots of fries. But then the, I'm suppose to be grateful side, says how could you even think of such a terrible thing. Look at all the people that are tring to help you change your life, your terrible for wanting that aweful GUT BOMB. These are the voices I've talked about from the start of my blog. Actually as I read back blogs it's quite comical how much influence the voices have over me.
By just bloging it has helped me a little get over the pity party I seem to be having today. So I guess I'll put my big girl panties on (in this case it's my swim suit again) and go back to the academy for the night water arobics class. I know it will make me feel better!
Monday, December 5, 2011
12/5/11
BODIES - THEIR AMAZING THINGS!
As I sit here and ponder this I am amazed how forgiving a body can be. In my case I have abused this poor old body of mine for 50 years. I have always been over weight but since my husband died and probably for 5 years before that I was pretty much a couch potatoe. I've never exercised because I never new how. Walking is exercise but is my worst enemy, (my trainer loves to walk me, and I am not a nice person when she does) but I am starting to realize how important it is to walk this body. Even to move this body.
It's the little things over the last week that I've noticed changing. When I get done swimming and have to shower and then the trial of getting dressed, most people just throw on their clothes without a thought, I don't it takes a lot of time and effort and I have said it's as hard as a workout. Most people don't even think about jumping in the shower but for a morbedly obese person showering and bathing and keeping up with personal hygeine is very hard. Before I started at the Sports Academy, I hated the way I smelled but the thought of how much work it was to shower or take a bath was more than I could cope with most of the time and so I (I hate nto admit this) just wouldn't. But it has hit me this week how much easier it is getting. Even, guys I'm going to talk girl talk again, putting on my bra is getting doable again. I was to the point my daughter was having to help me get dressed because my arms wouldn't move to put my bra on. My arms are being raised now over my head, out to the side, and more. That is so exciting to me. I love the water arobics class every day and I also love my workouts (even the walking). I am so grateful that this body is forgiving and can heal itself, and can help me to build my muscles back up. It is so important for all of us no matter what condition we're in to move. Move those wonderful bodies we've been given!
As I sit here and ponder this I am amazed how forgiving a body can be. In my case I have abused this poor old body of mine for 50 years. I have always been over weight but since my husband died and probably for 5 years before that I was pretty much a couch potatoe. I've never exercised because I never new how. Walking is exercise but is my worst enemy, (my trainer loves to walk me, and I am not a nice person when she does) but I am starting to realize how important it is to walk this body. Even to move this body.
It's the little things over the last week that I've noticed changing. When I get done swimming and have to shower and then the trial of getting dressed, most people just throw on their clothes without a thought, I don't it takes a lot of time and effort and I have said it's as hard as a workout. Most people don't even think about jumping in the shower but for a morbedly obese person showering and bathing and keeping up with personal hygeine is very hard. Before I started at the Sports Academy, I hated the way I smelled but the thought of how much work it was to shower or take a bath was more than I could cope with most of the time and so I (I hate nto admit this) just wouldn't. But it has hit me this week how much easier it is getting. Even, guys I'm going to talk girl talk again, putting on my bra is getting doable again. I was to the point my daughter was having to help me get dressed because my arms wouldn't move to put my bra on. My arms are being raised now over my head, out to the side, and more. That is so exciting to me. I love the water arobics class every day and I also love my workouts (even the walking). I am so grateful that this body is forgiving and can heal itself, and can help me to build my muscles back up. It is so important for all of us no matter what condition we're in to move. Move those wonderful bodies we've been given!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Dec. 1st, 2011
Well the weigh in went well. Depending on how you look at it I either lost 10lbs or 4 lbs. we're still debating. I'm down that's all that counts. I was talking to ladies in the pool today, they we're craving a diet coke. I told her I was craving Steak. It's weigh in day so I weigh in the morning and have what I want for the rest of the day. That's always how it's been. I way have to get over this habbit. I didn't go hog while but I really had to much protein, and believe me I'm paying for it. Why do I do this. If any of you have an idea to help me I could sure use some idea's. This is where one day at a time comes in and in my case one minute at a time. Oh well Happy December! PS. did 40 min. of laps at the pool today. That's so cool!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Nov. 30,2011
Can you believe it's the last of November. I was thinking back to when I was a little girl and I would hear my Grandpa talk about how time flies and the days are just wizzing by. I never understood it, but I sure do now. I have a goal to lose as much as I can before my son gets back from his church mission I put him out on the 13 of July of this year. The 13th of Dec. will be 5 months that means I only have 19 months left to get some major weight off. I haven't really been seeing results, which I know I won't for probably another 100lbs more So when my trainer measured me yesterday I really didn't comprehend what it all ment till she added it all up today. In just over a month I have lost over 20 inches all over my body especially my waist. I really got excited about this. My kids had been saying my legs puffyness was down and that my pants around the waist were falling off but I wasn't believing or I guess noticing it. Tomorrow is weigh in day so after being up last week I hope I'm down.
Workouts are getting tougher, well not tougher it's my body is tired. My shoulders ache all the time, my back is even hurting, and my hips are killing me. I know nothing worth while is easy. If I'm going to get this off and make changes it's going to take a lot of hard work. Each day I go to the gym, each minute I work at eating right I need to remember that I am that much closer to that moment in the airport that my son walks right by me looking for his mother. I am so excited about what's going on with me both inside and out. I hope we can continue to share this journey, and realize the time is know for all of us no matter what our goals may be.
Workouts are getting tougher, well not tougher it's my body is tired. My shoulders ache all the time, my back is even hurting, and my hips are killing me. I know nothing worth while is easy. If I'm going to get this off and make changes it's going to take a lot of hard work. Each day I go to the gym, each minute I work at eating right I need to remember that I am that much closer to that moment in the airport that my son walks right by me looking for his mother. I am so excited about what's going on with me both inside and out. I hope we can continue to share this journey, and realize the time is know for all of us no matter what our goals may be.
Nov.27,2011
Schedules/Routines,
The big question is how do I handle interruptions when I'm trying to get into a routine. I realize I'll always have things that come up, but this time it was the lovely monthly visitor that women are so NOT lucky to have. Let me explain, I'm all for being a woman, I'm all for loving the ability to bare children, but I'm 50, widowed, and have delt with it for 40 years, I so want to be done. You may be asking whats the biggy, well the rest of the story is I'm on the medication cumidon. So I flow excessive. I was afraid of coming to the gym. Then Thanksgiving hit. family was here, and my nice little schedule went out the window. It's amazing how fast the bad little habbits come back. Like skipping meals, going out to eat because the day is hicktick. It takes a lot of planning and time to work on meals, exercise time, blogging etc. My daughter had noticed I hadn't blogged for days, and sweetly reminded me of it, and I not so kindly told her to stuff it! Ha Ha, (kind of like a poor turkey)Sorry I tried to make a funny. I had let myself down and all of you that are helping me. I was able to come back to the gym the day after Thanksgiving or Black Friday. It was nice you were all out shopping and we were at the gym. My kids went with me and worked out with me which was nice. Now if I can just get back to the food tracking. Now I need to let you know I didn't go hog while, because it almost sounds like I did. My Thanksgiving dinner was totally sugar free, and mostly fat and sodium free. My family loved it and didn't complain. I thank them for that! Everything's gone, as far as food goes, so now I hope to get back to normal. NORMAL there's that word again. I need to learn what to plan for when things aren't normal or my routine is challenged.
Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to have my kids home, and my sweet granddaughter, and I did take the time to ponder about how blessed I have been this year. I especially thought about my new family at the sports academy, and how important you have become to me. You are helping me get my life back, not only for me but also for my kids, so they don't have to bury another parent. I thought about the people that have come into my life this year, and especially all of you that are following my journey, and how each of you are changing me and helping me, and most of you I don't even know. Thank you... I do hope your Thanksgiving was one that was wonderful and that you took a minute and pondered all that is good with the world.
The big question is how do I handle interruptions when I'm trying to get into a routine. I realize I'll always have things that come up, but this time it was the lovely monthly visitor that women are so NOT lucky to have. Let me explain, I'm all for being a woman, I'm all for loving the ability to bare children, but I'm 50, widowed, and have delt with it for 40 years, I so want to be done. You may be asking whats the biggy, well the rest of the story is I'm on the medication cumidon. So I flow excessive. I was afraid of coming to the gym. Then Thanksgiving hit. family was here, and my nice little schedule went out the window. It's amazing how fast the bad little habbits come back. Like skipping meals, going out to eat because the day is hicktick. It takes a lot of planning and time to work on meals, exercise time, blogging etc. My daughter had noticed I hadn't blogged for days, and sweetly reminded me of it, and I not so kindly told her to stuff it! Ha Ha, (kind of like a poor turkey)Sorry I tried to make a funny. I had let myself down and all of you that are helping me. I was able to come back to the gym the day after Thanksgiving or Black Friday. It was nice you were all out shopping and we were at the gym. My kids went with me and worked out with me which was nice. Now if I can just get back to the food tracking. Now I need to let you know I didn't go hog while, because it almost sounds like I did. My Thanksgiving dinner was totally sugar free, and mostly fat and sodium free. My family loved it and didn't complain. I thank them for that! Everything's gone, as far as food goes, so now I hope to get back to normal. NORMAL there's that word again. I need to learn what to plan for when things aren't normal or my routine is challenged.
Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to have my kids home, and my sweet granddaughter, and I did take the time to ponder about how blessed I have been this year. I especially thought about my new family at the sports academy, and how important you have become to me. You are helping me get my life back, not only for me but also for my kids, so they don't have to bury another parent. I thought about the people that have come into my life this year, and especially all of you that are following my journey, and how each of you are changing me and helping me, and most of you I don't even know. Thank you... I do hope your Thanksgiving was one that was wonderful and that you took a minute and pondered all that is good with the world.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
11/17/11
Wasn't able to make my training appointment tonight because I was still working, But I did make it to the doctor this morning and am down 3lbs. I was a little disapointed but it was down. I worked all day and my staff was saying reach, stretch, up, down, walk. By the time I was done with my job tonight I felt like I had been through 5 workouts. Needless to say the hot pad was warmed up, and my nice bed here I come.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
11/16/11
Today at training I did a walking workout. It's been 4 weeks since I started, when I started I couldn't walk all the way around the basketball court. Today we went around and around I don't know how many times. It was so cool to remember back and see in just a month how much more I can do. My trainer also gave me a 12lb. ball to carry around with me, and said you've lost 15lb, feel how much you've lost and asked if I wanted it back. It was a real lesson, and I'm so excited for my weigh in tomorrow. I hope I do ok. Today has been one of those days at work, and tomorrow will be just as bad. So it ment preplanning, and I did ok. I also went to the store to get produce I was out of. I had talked about the Marie Calendar pies that were on sale, I only got one lemon merange and when I looked over the calories I don't no if its worth eating a piece or not. for three hundred calories I could have something of a lot more substance than a 1/9 piece of pie. We'll see how I do, I am thinking already about next Thursday. All in all a good day! Thanks to all of you at Sports Academy both clients but most of all the employees, you keep me going.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
11/15/11
My thoughts are still with last nights blog. I want to emphasize that this happens where ever we might be,and to anyone that not only may look different, but also to anyone that might do or act different. Please don't judge you might not know the whole story.
Enough of that subject. Tonight was a test for me. I knew I was planning on going to the 6:00 water arobics tonight. But I have had a very busy day and have a big job coming on Thurs. so my mind has been fried, as I like to call it. I finally got home at 5:45 and had decided to not go. When I got in the house my neighbor was calling going I will see you there right? I told her I had to much to do and I didn't have time. She again said I'll see you there right? She knows me to well. No one was home, I didn't have to answer to anyone, the little voices started, Go, Stay Home, Go etc. Finally I just said are you really going to blow it? So I had to go get dressedand left. I made it to the class and yes I felt better. I didn't get my work finished but hopefully I'll have more energy in the morning and can make up for it. Also while at the gym I had someone slip me a note. She told me a little about her story. I was so glad I went because I wouldn't have had that handed to me. What a special person, she took the time to write me and said just what I needed to hear.
I am into my 4th week, and have done pretty good but as the holidays come closer, and the more advertisments seem to become more colorful and almost like they are real. It's getting hard, and the poor me voices are coming louder. You can't have this, and you can't have that. My trainer is constantly telling me that if it's what I really want then have some but be in control. Watch my portions. That scars me more than just saying no, you can't have it. Marie Calendar pies are on sale this week. I always buy around 6-10 pies when they are this price. I always have them in the freezer. and then it's been known for me to sit down and eat a whole pie. I am writing this because I don't think I am probably the only one who has done this. It might not be a pie but it might be something else, the you can't control. So I need to sit down and make a plan. That is my goal before the week is over. Make the thanksgiving plan, and also exercise plan!
As Thanksgiving is next week may we all take a moment and ponder on all we have and how blessed we are. I hope we each take a moment and realize, all the blessings we have recieved this year, and especially for the many special people who have touched my life and I hope yours.
Enough of that subject. Tonight was a test for me. I knew I was planning on going to the 6:00 water arobics tonight. But I have had a very busy day and have a big job coming on Thurs. so my mind has been fried, as I like to call it. I finally got home at 5:45 and had decided to not go. When I got in the house my neighbor was calling going I will see you there right? I told her I had to much to do and I didn't have time. She again said I'll see you there right? She knows me to well. No one was home, I didn't have to answer to anyone, the little voices started, Go, Stay Home, Go etc. Finally I just said are you really going to blow it? So I had to go get dressedand left. I made it to the class and yes I felt better. I didn't get my work finished but hopefully I'll have more energy in the morning and can make up for it. Also while at the gym I had someone slip me a note. She told me a little about her story. I was so glad I went because I wouldn't have had that handed to me. What a special person, she took the time to write me and said just what I needed to hear.
I am into my 4th week, and have done pretty good but as the holidays come closer, and the more advertisments seem to become more colorful and almost like they are real. It's getting hard, and the poor me voices are coming louder. You can't have this, and you can't have that. My trainer is constantly telling me that if it's what I really want then have some but be in control. Watch my portions. That scars me more than just saying no, you can't have it. Marie Calendar pies are on sale this week. I always buy around 6-10 pies when they are this price. I always have them in the freezer. and then it's been known for me to sit down and eat a whole pie. I am writing this because I don't think I am probably the only one who has done this. It might not be a pie but it might be something else, the you can't control. So I need to sit down and make a plan. That is my goal before the week is over. Make the thanksgiving plan, and also exercise plan!
As Thanksgiving is next week may we all take a moment and ponder on all we have and how blessed we are. I hope we each take a moment and realize, all the blessings we have recieved this year, and especially for the many special people who have touched my life and I hope yours.
Monday, November 14, 2011
11/14/11
I'm sitting here watching Dancing with the Stars. This season has been interesting because there has been a couple of the contestants that have had physical challenges. Ricky Lake has a weight challenge, and JR was severely burned while serving our country. But both have overcome or are trying and succeeding in the semi finals. The show was really spotlighting their accomplishments tonight throughout the show. They both talked about going forward and making it through their challenges. I can relate to both. My older brother was physically challenged and was in a wheel chair most of his life. Then of course there's me, morbidly obese. Tonight I was at my training session, it was later than normal, so there was a lot of different people and kids there. I have gotten use to my other training times and people have gotten use to seeing me around and watching me workout and are very positive to give me encouragement. But tonight it felt like I was the main event of a freak show again. I felt like they were talking and laughing at me. It was like I was starting all over again, the first day. Yet as I pondered the last three weeks I can see the changes that are happening. I was talking to my grand daughter last night on skype and we were being tree's, and without thinking I raised my arms above my head and was swaying them around and all of a sudden my daughter yelled MOM look at your arms! When I started working out I couldn't raise my arms even shoulder high. It's the little things, and I hope that as people stare at people that might not be perfect, as they may consider themselves, I hope they take the time to get to know all of us that aren't perfect because we may just change their minds and see we have a lot to offer. It's the inside that counts. I don't know if I've made since or not but I hope there are people out there that can understand what I'm trying to say in this blog. Have a great evening!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
11/12/11
People, have you ever wondered why people come into your life, at a certain time, place, event This is what I have thought about today. To the women I have met this week in the water arobic classes, thank you for including me and welcoming me into your circles. Thank you to the amazing clients of the Sports Academy that work out along side of me, and not judge. That probably wonder how a woman could get to the size I am, but thats not what I hear from you I hear instead encouragement. To those who may be starting out on the same journey I am, lets do it together. To those who might have already traveled this journey please share. Today has been one of my better days, and to everyone that has made this day GREAT, thank you!
Friday, November 11, 2011
11-11-11
Today is Veterans day Thank you to all the vets and those currently serving, to protect our freedoms.
Yesterday was weigh in day. I lost 8lbs. which this week I am excited about. Have you ever went to one of those holiday grocery store sales. Last night I ventured out to one of them.. All I can say is people are crazy thinking they are getting great deals. I went hungary, which I know better. So I bought a steak, brought it home and cooked the whole thing and ate it. This morning I felt terrible. I did not want to get up, and my workout was at 8:00. My daughter had stayed home because she was going out of town. She knew I was not going so as she went out the door she said, Mom I've started the car so as long as you have to go out and turn it off you can go to the gym. I was so mad, I didn't want to go, I deserved a day off, after all I've taken 15lbs. off in two weeks. Besides that nothing was wanting to work. I remembered back to when I was eating that pound of steak, and knowing I wasn't going to feel good, but I wasn't expecting just how bad. The thought came to me how I felt less than a month ago. The things I ate really did effect how bad I was feeling no wonder all I did was sit and do nothing. I used a steak as an example but you could substitute anything you may feel like that you think will make you feel better, or that you think will make you feel better.
But It didn't. I used the words," I'm never going to do that again," But it was suggested to me to never say never. I am learning, it's a life style change, baby steps. Who's to say I won't do it again. I probably will, but that is what comes with a change. I need to thank my daughter for this morning she'll never know how I needed this push. I hope every one has a great day!
Yesterday was weigh in day. I lost 8lbs. which this week I am excited about. Have you ever went to one of those holiday grocery store sales. Last night I ventured out to one of them.. All I can say is people are crazy thinking they are getting great deals. I went hungary, which I know better. So I bought a steak, brought it home and cooked the whole thing and ate it. This morning I felt terrible. I did not want to get up, and my workout was at 8:00. My daughter had stayed home because she was going out of town. She knew I was not going so as she went out the door she said, Mom I've started the car so as long as you have to go out and turn it off you can go to the gym. I was so mad, I didn't want to go, I deserved a day off, after all I've taken 15lbs. off in two weeks. Besides that nothing was wanting to work. I remembered back to when I was eating that pound of steak, and knowing I wasn't going to feel good, but I wasn't expecting just how bad. The thought came to me how I felt less than a month ago. The things I ate really did effect how bad I was feeling no wonder all I did was sit and do nothing. I used a steak as an example but you could substitute anything you may feel like that you think will make you feel better, or that you think will make you feel better.
But It didn't. I used the words," I'm never going to do that again," But it was suggested to me to never say never. I am learning, it's a life style change, baby steps. Who's to say I won't do it again. I probably will, but that is what comes with a change. I need to thank my daughter for this morning she'll never know how I needed this push. I hope every one has a great day!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Nov. 9, 2011
Today I actually get to the pool for a class which was great. The only thing was that I had my training session 1 hour later. So I got out of the pool, showered which is as bad as a training session, and realized I had not eaten that morning. So I grabbed a banana,and water and had about 15 min. until my trainer. By the time I got done with the trainer I was really not feeling well. I will not do that again. It's surprising that in the 3 weeks my body has gotten use to eating. I use to go all day with out eating and it never bothered me. True I wasn't excercising everyday either. I do have to comment on having food in the house. When I came home so hungary, it was so nice to open the fridge and grab a quick turkey sandwich and some grape tomatoes. Something so simple but fast. I normally would have gone through drive through. It really is making life simpler. And it's amazing to watch my lower legs, which were so swollen, going down. it's so exciting, I diffently don't want feet or legs like my late husband had.
My daughter gave me a book to read last night so I started it, it's about a man that's dying but has decided to live life to the fullest even when his body shuts down and has to have so much help to do everything. He has ALS. During a section in the book the man was writing all kinds of thoughts all the time. There was one that really struck me and what I'm feeling and going through right now. It Says, "Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do;" "Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it"; "Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others"; "Don't assume that it's too late to get involved." No matter what your age or your phycical abilities it's never to late to make changes, learn from the past, but go forward. It's never to late. Remember my motto "Why me... Why not me, it's my time"
Tomorrow is weigh in day wish me luck, I hope I can accept it better than last week.
My daughter gave me a book to read last night so I started it, it's about a man that's dying but has decided to live life to the fullest even when his body shuts down and has to have so much help to do everything. He has ALS. During a section in the book the man was writing all kinds of thoughts all the time. There was one that really struck me and what I'm feeling and going through right now. It Says, "Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do;" "Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it"; "Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others"; "Don't assume that it's too late to get involved." No matter what your age or your phycical abilities it's never to late to make changes, learn from the past, but go forward. It's never to late. Remember my motto "Why me... Why not me, it's my time"
Tomorrow is weigh in day wish me luck, I hope I can accept it better than last week.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Nov. 7, 2011
It's the start of my third week today. This weekend my daughter and I went grocery shopping which is something we desperately needed to do. I had my shopping list ready with a lot of help from my trainer. Over $300 later we arrived home with my daughter saying, boy it sure costs a lot to eat right. I thought about what she said because that is what my late husband always complained about. I've thought about this all week end and this is what I think. No it isn't When I went back through the reciept there was also household products included on the reciept. But as far as food goes I started adding up reciepts that I have in my purse for fast food places that we have gone to in the past months. The total was upsetting I live on a very limited budget and wish I had all that money we've wasted going out. It could have bought a lot of really good groceries many times over. It was an eye opener especially to my young daughter. But it was faster and easier to go out. Tonight we cooked a real nice chicken dinner, while the chicken was cooking I had the veggies in the microwave in the steam bags (if you've never used them their great) By the time the chicken breasts had cooked, the veggies were done and we ate. I think in all it took 10-15 Min. Thats as long as going through take out.
At my training session today I had another melt down. We started to do the boxing workout, which I really like, And we had done some walking laps, in between the curcuits, and I lost it. It seemed harder than on the first day. Why isn't it getting easier, why am I the weird one. So my sweet trainer turned into a shrink, and helped me work out my feelings. It's so easy to let my mind take over, with old habits, ways of thinking, negativity. I hate that I let it happen. When will the strength I need come, to get a different mind set, and be physically able to do all of this. LIFE STYLE CHANGE, it's going to be a long journey!
At my training session today I had another melt down. We started to do the boxing workout, which I really like, And we had done some walking laps, in between the curcuits, and I lost it. It seemed harder than on the first day. Why isn't it getting easier, why am I the weird one. So my sweet trainer turned into a shrink, and helped me work out my feelings. It's so easy to let my mind take over, with old habits, ways of thinking, negativity. I hate that I let it happen. When will the strength I need come, to get a different mind set, and be physically able to do all of this. LIFE STYLE CHANGE, it's going to be a long journey!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Nov.4,2011
During training today we were talking about how I'm struggling now that my busy time at work is over. Now would normally be the time I go back to doing nothing, even though I have a list a mile long( what mother doesn't) to do. How do I get motivated enough to not sit like I've done for years. I keep thinking of my son on a church mission and my goal to have him walk right by me at the airport because he doesn't recognize me. Wouldn't you think that would do it. I'm scared of falling back into the same old routine. Any ideas out there would help. So during my workout the trainers were using the word SAVOR the moment. At the time I was doing arms, needless to say I wasn't savoring, but we walked a lot today, she started by walking down the hall, out the door, down the building a ways then back. I only stopped once. Then several times during the workout she walked me around the track. One time I thought I was going to Puk,but I didn't. But as I was starting around again there was a young man that came up and asked if I was the one blogging, and that he had read my blog and was behind me and was excited to meet me. If he reads this THANK YOU that small act of kindness, and encouraging words,I am SAVORING today. Oh ya by the way I am so not a speller so if I'm spelling things wrong forgive me. I am so grateful for this opportunity and thank everyone for their support. Well I've put off work long enough, I think I'll clean today! ( never would have happened three weeks ago)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Thursday Nov.3 2011
Today is my baby's birthday. She is 17, and gorgeous if I do say so myself. I took her to dinner at sizzler. She was kind of apprehensive because she did't want me to eat anything I wasn't suppose to. So we got there we had to park clear across the parking lot. Before I would have gone somewhere else or drove around till someone left that was closer. We parked and I walked, I was a little out of breath but I think she was impressed. I ordered the smallest steak they had, with rice not fries, and also had a salad bar. I took lettace spinich, veg, etc. I didn't have chicken wings, the cheesey bread, no desert I had a little fruit instead. It was a good feeling that I could still go somewhere, but that I didn't have to eat like there was no tommorrow. Happy birthday my sweet daughter, next years birthday I'll be even closer to being able to wear your clothes. Just an update I did go and weigh today. I lost 7lbs. Everyone was excited about it but me. I don't think I'll watch biggest loser any more because it makes me feel I should be losing more. But like my trainer said if I don't like it train harder. I have to get used to making time for me. But it's a great start...and it's my time!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Week 2, Wednesday
Like I said in previous posts work has been crazy. So I didn't get each days thoughts written down so I could transfer them to the blog. I'm still learning how to do the blog so I wrote everything down so as to not forget what was going on. I am trying very hard today to learn this and get started and caught up. One week of training under my belt. Made it to the pool about half the time, but made up time of days missed so that means sometimes I was in the pool for over 2 hours some days. The pool always feels good. It seems I can do more exercise. The second week has started I am getting used to the training and am realizing I can do more than I thought I could. It's never going to be easy, but all I can do is keep doing. This week I have to start working on my nutritian more. I have to eat 6 miny meals a day. It's hard to plan 3 let alone 6. My biggest challenge this week is breakfast. I've never eaten it before and when I do It was all wrong, I love pancakes, bacon, sausage, etc. It seems like when I eat breakfast I want to eat all day, and when I don't eat breakfast I am not hungary all day until I have time to relax and realize I haven't eaten and then I eat everything in sight. In the morning I go to the doctor again, it will be my first weigh in since starting this journey. I kind of nervous I want to see 40lbs lost like on the biggest loser. I know I'm not being realistic but I do hope it's kind of a lot or I'm afraid I'll get disappointed. Here come those voices again... it's not worth it, just think of everything you had to give up. You didn't even get to eat a milky way for Halloween. Oh I wish those voices would go away!
Week 1... Day 2 Oct.25, 2011
With such a restless night and first workout, I wondered if I could get up this morning. Guess what I did, sore yes, but I could move. It's a very busy time of year at work for me, so right in the middle of the day had to drop everything, change clothes, and go for workout. This is so not convient. She kicked my butt again. Worked out for another 45 min. and still being hard on myself. My trainer is so positive,I hope she doesn't get frustrated with me. I still hate walking and oh ya I hate stairs! Works been so busy that here again I haven't eaten all day. I'm realizing I haven't made time for myself, and when I did it was wasting time. I hope it starts to get easier soon.
Week 1...Day 1 October 24, 2011
Worked out for 45 min. I feel dead and frustrated, I could only lift my knee about 2" off the floor during knee lifts. I hate to walk and she walked me! My feet hurt so bad, why have I allowed myself to get like this. That's easy, when all I do is sit and watch TV and play on the computer. The shoulder machine (sorry I don't know the name) felt really good when we were done had a bit of sports asma. The trainer then said I needed to be in the pool at least 4 times a week in addition to our training sessions 6 days a week. Oh what have I done, I don't have that much time. I need to sit in my chair and watch TV. This really is a change I need to realize it's worth it. Right now I'm to tired. (But I did go to the pool tonight) Day 1 done! Thought I would sleep like a baby? Wrong didn't sleep all night, kept having those annoying voices creeping in saying this is to hard, quit, you can't do it. It's like apart of me doesn't want me to change. Finally sometime during the night I yelled out Stop It, I am going to change.
Preceding week before starting workouts
October 19, 2011
Met with my trainer and a lot of other people at the Sports Accademy. Everyone seems real nice. I have to admit I had a vision of the sports accademy as a place just for the rich and famous. That is not what I found out it is. Everyone is very genuine, and has gone out of their way to make me feel welcome. Even the patrons I feel have not starred and talked. That's kind of how I feel whenever I'm in public, it happened at church the other day a little boy came by and asked his dad why I was so fat! Guess what people he didn't read that in a book, because he couldn't have been over 3. Those kind of things always happen in life to anyone who may be different. But back to my week, so I had to meet with my doctor to make sure everything was ok. Took blood and checked me out said GO FOR IT. HE was excited I was actually going to do something. Those little voices of doubt are starting to really creep into my mind. I wonder if I really can do this. Made my first appointment with my trainer! I am going to do this!
Met with my trainer and a lot of other people at the Sports Accademy. Everyone seems real nice. I have to admit I had a vision of the sports accademy as a place just for the rich and famous. That is not what I found out it is. Everyone is very genuine, and has gone out of their way to make me feel welcome. Even the patrons I feel have not starred and talked. That's kind of how I feel whenever I'm in public, it happened at church the other day a little boy came by and asked his dad why I was so fat! Guess what people he didn't read that in a book, because he couldn't have been over 3. Those kind of things always happen in life to anyone who may be different. But back to my week, so I had to meet with my doctor to make sure everything was ok. Took blood and checked me out said GO FOR IT. HE was excited I was actually going to do something. Those little voices of doubt are starting to really creep into my mind. I wonder if I really can do this. Made my first appointment with my trainer! I am going to do this!
Introduction: Why me?,,,Why not me, it's my time!
Oct.17th, 2011
As I start this blog it is with much excitement, anticipation,and thankfulness to the people at the Sports accademy for taking an interest in me and trying to help me. Yet there's that other little voice that's still telling me I'm going to fail, I have doubts, fears, and make mistakes, and I still question WHY ME? There are those helping me that say why not you, so I'm taking this as my motto; "Why not me, it's my time". I'm sitting here thinking about the many milestones in our lives like being born, learning to talk and walk, starting school, first dates, graduation, birthdays,getting married, having children, even tragic ones like death. Today I'm starting a new milestone in my life and that is, to CHANGE. I turned 50 this year, I have 4 children, I'm widowed, and I'm very morbidly obese. Do you know how hard that is to say? The first time I heard that phrase was when I was reading my doctors file on me before handing it over to my new doctor. That was over twenty five year ago. I couldn't believe he considered me obese let alone MORBIDLY.
Obviously I have been fat all my life. I was a member of Weight Watchers when I was 10, then I had 20lbs to lose. I hit my goal but didn't make changes. My self esteem has always been low, I have never believed in myself, I was never pushed to do anything as a child or teen. When I went away to college, having never dated, I married the first man that looked at me. There are things that happened over the years in this marriage that has affected my life, like losing a child, dealing with a sick husband, the list could go on, that have eaten (literally) away at me until I have reached this point of weighting 450lbs. Don't get me wrong when there's trouble in a marriage it takes two, so I'm as much to blame as he was. With each child, we were blessed with, the weight came on but I didn't care to get it off. The bigger I got I felt somehow sickingly protected. Protected against what? I think life in general. As I look back and then forward to the present I have gotten very comfortable being fat. I haven't had to get very close to people because they are uncomfortable around me, being so heavy is kind of like a bubble. Now that you have a brief overview of who I am and where I'm coming from, I invite you to join me on the most important journey of my life. Yes I'm scared, scared of letting myself, my children, all of you that are behind me down. Like I said earier I've never had great self confidence. I've never known me as healthy, being able to go hiking, or climbing, and it's been years since I fit in an amusement ride. These are all things I'd like to do. Heck I'd like just to be able to walk down the sidewalk. As you follow me in this journey, please know I need your help, your ideas your encouragement, and support. But more than anything besides helping myself, I hope I can help others that might be struggling with the same problems I am. Please join with me in making this life style change together. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives, don't look back just concentrate on the future. Remember my motto: "Why not me... It's my time".
As I start this blog it is with much excitement, anticipation,and thankfulness to the people at the Sports accademy for taking an interest in me and trying to help me. Yet there's that other little voice that's still telling me I'm going to fail, I have doubts, fears, and make mistakes, and I still question WHY ME? There are those helping me that say why not you, so I'm taking this as my motto; "Why not me, it's my time". I'm sitting here thinking about the many milestones in our lives like being born, learning to talk and walk, starting school, first dates, graduation, birthdays,getting married, having children, even tragic ones like death. Today I'm starting a new milestone in my life and that is, to CHANGE. I turned 50 this year, I have 4 children, I'm widowed, and I'm very morbidly obese. Do you know how hard that is to say? The first time I heard that phrase was when I was reading my doctors file on me before handing it over to my new doctor. That was over twenty five year ago. I couldn't believe he considered me obese let alone MORBIDLY.
Obviously I have been fat all my life. I was a member of Weight Watchers when I was 10, then I had 20lbs to lose. I hit my goal but didn't make changes. My self esteem has always been low, I have never believed in myself, I was never pushed to do anything as a child or teen. When I went away to college, having never dated, I married the first man that looked at me. There are things that happened over the years in this marriage that has affected my life, like losing a child, dealing with a sick husband, the list could go on, that have eaten (literally) away at me until I have reached this point of weighting 450lbs. Don't get me wrong when there's trouble in a marriage it takes two, so I'm as much to blame as he was. With each child, we were blessed with, the weight came on but I didn't care to get it off. The bigger I got I felt somehow sickingly protected. Protected against what? I think life in general. As I look back and then forward to the present I have gotten very comfortable being fat. I haven't had to get very close to people because they are uncomfortable around me, being so heavy is kind of like a bubble. Now that you have a brief overview of who I am and where I'm coming from, I invite you to join me on the most important journey of my life. Yes I'm scared, scared of letting myself, my children, all of you that are behind me down. Like I said earier I've never had great self confidence. I've never known me as healthy, being able to go hiking, or climbing, and it's been years since I fit in an amusement ride. These are all things I'd like to do. Heck I'd like just to be able to walk down the sidewalk. As you follow me in this journey, please know I need your help, your ideas your encouragement, and support. But more than anything besides helping myself, I hope I can help others that might be struggling with the same problems I am. Please join with me in making this life style change together. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives, don't look back just concentrate on the future. Remember my motto: "Why not me... It's my time".
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