1/29/12

This week I have found out what true angles are.  People that act on their promptings and follow through with what their feeling or go to see who they feel may need help.  I had a good friend show up this week out of the blue, with a card for a belated Christmas.  We had a nice visit, and when she left I opened the card to read it and out dropped some money.  I know it was a sacrifice for her to have done that, and she didn't know that this week my furnace went out in my shop/store, waterpump went out in my car and then my business computer went down.  I had a good friend that is also an angel come and get my car to fix it, but then I had to drive my truck that my daughter drives.  But it was on empty because neither of us had money to put gas in. All I could think of was how was I going to get to the gym. The ladies money enabled me to get some gas so I could go to the gym. This same lady came back a couple of days later and I told her all that had happened, and because of her generousity I had been able to  continue going to the gym without missing a day.  I was and am so grateful, that people are so kind and generous in so many ways.  It doesn't always have to be monitary, it could be sweet acts of service, it could be a listening ear.  I feel so grateful for all those that are watching over me both down here and my angels in heaven.
In addition to the realization of how lucky I am by having people that I call angels, I also realized that all that went wrong this week would have sent me into a total fit/depression normally.  But this week I went to the gym everyday even when it got overwelming, and I got through it.  That is very different than how I would have had it in the past.  I would have sat in my chair eating anything I could have gotten my hands on.  This week I chose to do it different.  I even filled out applications and am trying to find a job that I could do at night and still keep my home business going during the day.
Today I cleaned my house.  I know I should have been at church, but sometimes I get more out of turning on Sounds for Sunday and catching up.  Today was one of those days.  But I really hadn't thought I'd clean my house.  So all of a sudden I got the bug, got my vacumn that I have only probably used once because I couldn't stand long enough to vacumn, and I vacumned the living room.  I was sweating but I had done it.  I got all excited and went to empty the dirt and there wasn't any.  What the...  My kids had clogged the vacumn so tight I had to clean it out for an hour with a hanger.  Then I had to start all over again.  But as I got done with one room I went onto the hall, then the bathroom, then the dining room, then the kitchen, I don't think my youngest quite knew what to think because she's never seen me clean like that before.  Its usually her that does it. I don't know why but it sure felt good to do it, and now I start a new week with a put together house.  YEA!!  The journey is starting to feel better. Thanks to everyone YOU are all my angels and YOU  keep me going.  THANKS!

1/26/12

Well after three hours in the pool, I promised my trainer I'd go and weigh.  Its been about 5-6 weeks and I was down 13 lbs.  YEA!!  I was so afraid I wouldn't lose anything.  So that brings me up to 32 lbs.  I don't think in my life I ever got past between 10-20lbs lost ever on a diet, which I really never tried a lot, so whatever Mary (trainer) is doing it must be working.  Still not where I wanted to be by now but baby steps seem to be doing more for me than huge numbers.   I am trying to learn,and change things that need to change.  I hope everyone has a great day!

1/25/12

Been home a week and getting back into the swing of things.  Its been so nice to come back and have people care that you've been gone.  The ladies in the pool are so friendly, and were concerned I hadn't been there, and their first question was did you find a pool, and I was excited to tell them YES.   I feel so fortunate to have this chance to come and meet new people every day.  Its actually helping me want to get out of my house and do something.  Its been going on 4 years since my husband passed and for those years I rarely left my house.  Friends would call and ask me to go to a movie or something and then right before it was time to leave I'd call and backout.  I would try to get my kids to do everything for me, grocery shopping, errands, even if I needed something from the other room I would tell my kids to go and get it because it ment me moving and I didn't do that.  Because I had sat for so long my muscles were shot.  Everything hurt so bad, and I realize know how close I was to probably dying.  Know wonder my kids and family were so worried about me, and would say remarks that would hurt my feelings.  I realize know I was doing the same thing to myself that my husband had done to himself,  because he wouldn't change his ways either.  I quess that's what struck me is that I was doing the exact same thing he did, no one was ever going to tell him what to do or eat. He landed in the GRAVE and I AM NOT going to.  So even though these workouts are not getting any easier, taking time to plan my meals, and making the time to go work out,  time that will  improve me,  which I've never done before is starting to become important in my life.  I see the small changes, like during our workout today I about lost my shoe and I commented that I need to tighten my laces, my trainer got so excited and said, do you remember how tight your shoes were just 3 monthes ago? Or how my pants are lose around my ankles and when I started they were tight.  She asked me if I was going to weigh tomorrow and I said no.  I know I need to and I've lost some more inches, but I'm scared that the scale won't show it, and then disappointment will set in again.  I'm trying hard to be  positive and believe that I can achieve something, or deserve something good, but its hard to change those old voices that tell me other wise.  That I won't be able to do it nor do I deserve it.  I think that as someone that has allowed herself to be almost 450lbs that I had and still have a lot of negative voices, But I will say it's getting easier at times to say maybe I can do this, maybe I do deserve to change, maybe there's someone out there that I can help or be an example for.  If for know one else this has been a journey for me and my family, one that I'm so grateful for, and I hope that everyone stays with me and we all go through this journey together.  Have a great day!

Jan.19, 2012

It's hard to believe we're already through half of Jan.  Sorry I haven't written for awhile.  I had to go to my daughters and then stopped a couple of days with my parents.  I've really missed the Sports Academy,my workouts, and especially the friends I've made.  You really are a support to me. 
It was interesting as I got ready to go, my trainer really tried to prepare me, with menu's, workouts, it was really important to both of us that I have a plan.  It was an excellent time for me to be an example to my daughter and her family.  We planned meals and I tried to show them it doesn't take any longer to make a nice meal, than it takes to go out to eat, it was cheaper and a lot better for us.  We were able to go to the pool a couple of times to do laps, and also play in the pool with my grandbaby.  We kept me busy and going, and I saw that I could do more.
On the way home I basically did the same thing at my parents home.  They thought the meal I cooked was great.  They are so excited for me because I know they both thought I'd die before them.  And they are 83, and 88 in age.
It was so good to actually get back into the gym today.  It's been a long time since I've done a land workout,  with all the problems I've had with my shoulder, but it felt good.
These last couple of weeks have been an interesting lesson to me because I found out that with some planning being away can be sucessful.  It's good to be back!!

1/8/12

This past week has been one that I finally feel back on track.  Exercised everyday, food was much better, (NOT PERFECT) but better.  I had several jobs come up that I actually did myself instead of calling in help. It's been a very long time that that's happened.  I had to create my decor, fill the van, and then deliver it.  Not that long ago if I did do this I would continually have to sit down because I was out of air.  This week I noticed I could handle things a lot better.  It's the little things that I'm noticing, and it gets me excited, but still keeping in mind I have still a long journey.
This week I have to travel, I'm tring to prepare and think ahead.  Menu's, exercise time, etc. I hope it all works out because I really want to get some more weight off. I've been spinning my wheels long enough.
But all in all a good week with some sucesses!

1/3/12

 Made it back to the pool today after my pitty party week(did have some hip problems in there)  It felt wonderful and I'm so lucky that I have Mary.  She understands that my body is fighting me (along with my mind)and I feel like I'm falling apart.  She is putting me in the pool for the next couple of days so that I can get my strength and energy back, hopefully by the end of the week I can do a land workout.  Although my shoulder is killing me tonight.
I had to make an emergency trip to SL this afternoon for work and by the time I was out of the car(basically going down getting what I needed and turned around and came back) 3 1/2 hours straight I needed to move I've never needed to do that before I could sit all day.  I think I'm beginning to see and feel the need to move.

OK so I'm watching Biggest Loser season opener tonight.  I know I said I wasn't going to do that.  It's been interesting, the people are not as big as in the last few seasons, but it's just as hard no matter what you have to lose.  They've been passing out, puking, etc.  But they pushed through it and each proved to themselves it could be done.I've got to get that momentum back not only in the gym but also food.  It was nice today to have kids back in school and maybe back to a schedule, but I still need to work on, when things come up and being able to handle them without losing my planning.  I hope you understand what I'm saying.
Tomorrow is a new day!