As I write this last blog for the year 2011 it is with much gratitude to all of you for helping me on this journey. Also much gratitude to a Heavenly Father or what ever higher being you might believe in. I am thanful in my faith and trust in someone I cannot see, yet opens so many doors especially for me this year. It has been 10 days since i've blogged. My daughter had wiped everything off my computer and didn't explain to me how to get back on. Finally I tried and it worked.
There has been several things that have been on my mind. A week ago I overheard two women talking in the shower room at the Sports Academy. The one was comenting how hard the holidays are to watch your eating, with all the treats, parties, etc. My daughter and I was sitting in the hot tub. I turned to her and said, yea, it hasn't been any fun. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I told her what had been said, and she asked me what hadn't been any fun. I answered by recalling everything I hadn't done Like making all the wonderful candy I always make, eating what was dropped by by friends and neighbors etc. As I thought about what had just come out of my mouth I thought how stupid it sounded. How could eating the way I had always eaten for all these years be fun. Being a prisoner in my body and house...Now that's no fun.
Food for thought uh? The next night we had the privalege of going up to the university to watch the show put on by Pickelville. I remembered how a year ago just tring to get in to the building took me forever I kept having to stop and sit to catch my breath. This year I was out of the car keeping up with the kids and before any of us realized we had walked to the building and were in our seats. Now that was fun! But I'll be honest I've not been a happy lady since then. I don't know whats going on. It's almost like it's scaring me if I change so I have gotten really grumpy(really the B word), and everyone is ready to throw me away. I fight with everyone, especially my kids, My poor trainer, I have fought everything anyone says to me. If someone says to exercise I want to do the opposite, if someone says don't eat that I eat twice as much as I should. If I wasn't 50 I'd swear I was my two year old grand daughter.
So the moral of this story is in two hours2011 is over. My family and I have been extremely blessed, this last month I have spun my wheels, really not going backward but not going forward like I wanted or where I wanted to be by now.
So as 2012 rings in so do new goals, decisions, blessings, adventures, and who knows what...
My wish for myself is just to take it by minutes, hours, days, months. Baby steps will turn into great accomplishments, physically, mentally, etc. I wish all of you a great New Year! I hope the best for all of us on whatever journey any of us might be on. Stay with me on my journey and we'll start cruising instead of spinning. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
12/21/11
Had a good workout today! I finally felt like I had done ... more, maybe is what I'm tring to explain. I'm still not sure. It's been a hard couple of weeks. My shoulder is getting worse, and I have made a dr. appointment for this afternoon.
Went to the Dr. and he took X-rays said it was tendenitus or bursidious, he didn't think it was anything to bad, it just wasn't use to being used. He gave me a cortizone shot and said not to use it till next week.
REALLY... it's Christmas!
I had a talk this week with a gal that has lost over 100 lbs. It's taken her over 2 years so she said she lost about 5 lbs a month. I said I've got to do more than that. She said something like... she did it slow to learn. That kind of hit home, I'm not lossing like I want to, but there are things I'm learning. Even though most of the time I'm feeling that I'm not. Then something happens that I can do that I couldn't and it hits home maybe I am making progress. I kind of let myself feel happy today. My trainer thinks I'm to negative, so as she had me standing up and sitting down she made me say something positive about myself, which is a really hard thing to do. But one of the times I said someone commented to me this week that I've lost in my face, I don't have as many chins. She laughed and said I made her laugh. I like when my trainer is happy, and I feel I haven't wasted her time. She is so patient, and really is working on not only my physical but mental as well.
Now the goal is to conquer writing down what I'm eating.
The holiday eating hasn't actually been to bad, as treats come in my kids eat them before I see them or before I can see what nice people have brought in so I have no idea what to thank them for. (could be a problem) Oh well december and this year will soon be over, and I would imagine when Jan. hits the sports academy will be packed with new people starting their new journey just as I am. I wish everyone well, this facility has a great staff that care very much about the people that come here. I hope you that are reading this have a very merry Christmas and that 2012 brings many changes for the good. Thanks for joining me on my journey, and I get to skype with my son, (the one on the mission) on Christmas and am so excited, I can't help but think about next year at this time, and hope I can keep this journey going so that when he see's me next year I WILL be the changed mom I promised he'd come home to. I have to remember one day, hour and sometimes minute's at a time.
Went to the Dr. and he took X-rays said it was tendenitus or bursidious, he didn't think it was anything to bad, it just wasn't use to being used. He gave me a cortizone shot and said not to use it till next week.
REALLY... it's Christmas!
I had a talk this week with a gal that has lost over 100 lbs. It's taken her over 2 years so she said she lost about 5 lbs a month. I said I've got to do more than that. She said something like... she did it slow to learn. That kind of hit home, I'm not lossing like I want to, but there are things I'm learning. Even though most of the time I'm feeling that I'm not. Then something happens that I can do that I couldn't and it hits home maybe I am making progress. I kind of let myself feel happy today. My trainer thinks I'm to negative, so as she had me standing up and sitting down she made me say something positive about myself, which is a really hard thing to do. But one of the times I said someone commented to me this week that I've lost in my face, I don't have as many chins. She laughed and said I made her laugh. I like when my trainer is happy, and I feel I haven't wasted her time. She is so patient, and really is working on not only my physical but mental as well.
Now the goal is to conquer writing down what I'm eating.
The holiday eating hasn't actually been to bad, as treats come in my kids eat them before I see them or before I can see what nice people have brought in so I have no idea what to thank them for. (could be a problem) Oh well december and this year will soon be over, and I would imagine when Jan. hits the sports academy will be packed with new people starting their new journey just as I am. I wish everyone well, this facility has a great staff that care very much about the people that come here. I hope you that are reading this have a very merry Christmas and that 2012 brings many changes for the good. Thanks for joining me on my journey, and I get to skype with my son, (the one on the mission) on Christmas and am so excited, I can't help but think about next year at this time, and hope I can keep this journey going so that when he see's me next year I WILL be the changed mom I promised he'd come home to. I have to remember one day, hour and sometimes minute's at a time.
Friday, December 16, 2011
12/16/11
Every since I've come home from being with my mother I've been playing catch up. Today was very tough, I'm starting to feel the presure of Christmas, and I needed to get my grand daughters Christmas dress done (it's not started) It was for her birthday which is tommorrow. But I had to take care of this person, and that person, or that thing or this thing. I was very frustrated and called my trainer and yelled I wasn't coming for my training and that it wasn't worth it. Bless her heart she called back, and and had to deal with my yelling, crying, etc. She rescheduled me, and I was still trying to get things done so I was mad when my daughter made me go. It just seems to be getting in the way. I know it's not I'm just fittin again. Which seems to be all I do. My trainer called it PMS. My daughter called it not using my time wisely. I didn't have any energy, I just couldn't get into it. I am just so tired, I don't know what's the matter. I hope tomorrow is better.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
12/14/11
Sorry I haven't blogged, I have been out of town. I was called last Sat. and told my mother had fallen and was taken to the hospital. I have been with her trying to get her back up and going.
But what I want talk about what happened when I went. My brothers wife had called me and told me that to get into the hospital was a lot of walking, I had remembered my walking stiks, so I was ready. It was a maze and quite a long walk which I did at least 4 times a day, some days it was more. I even had taken my swim suit with me because I knew my brother would be swimming every morning, so I went with him. So all in all my mother is doing better and I did extremely well with preplanning so I was able to exercise and didn.t do to bad even with my eating. I was proud of what I did.
The most fun thing I was able to do though was I took my daughters family Sunday night to Temple Square and was able to walk Temple Square and look at the lights. I want you to realize I haven't been to temple square since my oldest daughter was a little girl. I've never took my younger kids there because I wouldn't have never been able to make it. I cried when I got back to the car because I feel so blessed with whats been offered to me and how it's changing my life. Thank you to all who help me, and to all of you that encourage me. I am so blessed and this time of year really feel the blessings I have recieved. Life is Good and it is MY TIME!
But what I want talk about what happened when I went. My brothers wife had called me and told me that to get into the hospital was a lot of walking, I had remembered my walking stiks, so I was ready. It was a maze and quite a long walk which I did at least 4 times a day, some days it was more. I even had taken my swim suit with me because I knew my brother would be swimming every morning, so I went with him. So all in all my mother is doing better and I did extremely well with preplanning so I was able to exercise and didn.t do to bad even with my eating. I was proud of what I did.
The most fun thing I was able to do though was I took my daughters family Sunday night to Temple Square and was able to walk Temple Square and look at the lights. I want you to realize I haven't been to temple square since my oldest daughter was a little girl. I've never took my younger kids there because I wouldn't have never been able to make it. I cried when I got back to the car because I feel so blessed with whats been offered to me and how it's changing my life. Thank you to all who help me, and to all of you that encourage me. I am so blessed and this time of year really feel the blessings I have recieved. Life is Good and it is MY TIME!
12/9/11
On the 6th I talked about wanting a GUT BOMB. I had one! I scarred my trainer when I said that. I made my own! I had heard two ladies talking in the bread dept. about these new 1/2 size hamburger buns. So I bought those and measured out my 97 persent fat free hamberger and made my own. I made my own fries by broiling them in the oven and had my own gut bomb dinner. It was delicious and I proved even when I'm craving something bad I can have it. It was a great ahha moment.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
12/8/11
Weigh in Day - Lost three pounds. I get so frustrated because everyone says thats great, Heck I wasn't happy with 7 - 8lbs, 3 is not enough. Like I said the other day I'm having a piti party. Why isn't it enough to be feeling so much better, why isn't enough to see how much more I can do than just six weeks ago. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I'm making new friends, friends that have no idea how much their helping me. (THANK YOU) Why does the negative creep in, I'm down how come I can't be happy with that?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
12/6/11
Somebody in water arobics today asked if I realized how far I've come. I asked what she ment. She recalled when I first started which was the last of Oct. I barely made it into the pool and to the benches where I sat to catch my breath. Now she said I don't do that any more. I didn't realize people were observing, I knew they were watching me, people usually do if your obese, but for them to take the time to get to know me and then encourage me helps me tremendously. Thank you to you all that are helping me on my journey, and way to go to those that are doing your journey with me.
There are times I still ask myself if it's worth it. There's been days I've been at the Sports Academy for 5 hours. There are days I would really like to eat anything I want. There are days I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices. These are my pity days. I seem to be going into them this week. I have been told quite often that life is a roller coaster, you'll have your good days and your bad days. I want a great big 1/2 pound GUT BOMB, with lots of fries. But then the, I'm suppose to be grateful side, says how could you even think of such a terrible thing. Look at all the people that are tring to help you change your life, your terrible for wanting that aweful GUT BOMB. These are the voices I've talked about from the start of my blog. Actually as I read back blogs it's quite comical how much influence the voices have over me.
By just bloging it has helped me a little get over the pity party I seem to be having today. So I guess I'll put my big girl panties on (in this case it's my swim suit again) and go back to the academy for the night water arobics class. I know it will make me feel better!
There are times I still ask myself if it's worth it. There's been days I've been at the Sports Academy for 5 hours. There are days I would really like to eat anything I want. There are days I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices. These are my pity days. I seem to be going into them this week. I have been told quite often that life is a roller coaster, you'll have your good days and your bad days. I want a great big 1/2 pound GUT BOMB, with lots of fries. But then the, I'm suppose to be grateful side, says how could you even think of such a terrible thing. Look at all the people that are tring to help you change your life, your terrible for wanting that aweful GUT BOMB. These are the voices I've talked about from the start of my blog. Actually as I read back blogs it's quite comical how much influence the voices have over me.
By just bloging it has helped me a little get over the pity party I seem to be having today. So I guess I'll put my big girl panties on (in this case it's my swim suit again) and go back to the academy for the night water arobics class. I know it will make me feel better!
Monday, December 5, 2011
12/5/11
BODIES - THEIR AMAZING THINGS!
As I sit here and ponder this I am amazed how forgiving a body can be. In my case I have abused this poor old body of mine for 50 years. I have always been over weight but since my husband died and probably for 5 years before that I was pretty much a couch potatoe. I've never exercised because I never new how. Walking is exercise but is my worst enemy, (my trainer loves to walk me, and I am not a nice person when she does) but I am starting to realize how important it is to walk this body. Even to move this body.
It's the little things over the last week that I've noticed changing. When I get done swimming and have to shower and then the trial of getting dressed, most people just throw on their clothes without a thought, I don't it takes a lot of time and effort and I have said it's as hard as a workout. Most people don't even think about jumping in the shower but for a morbedly obese person showering and bathing and keeping up with personal hygeine is very hard. Before I started at the Sports Academy, I hated the way I smelled but the thought of how much work it was to shower or take a bath was more than I could cope with most of the time and so I (I hate nto admit this) just wouldn't. But it has hit me this week how much easier it is getting. Even, guys I'm going to talk girl talk again, putting on my bra is getting doable again. I was to the point my daughter was having to help me get dressed because my arms wouldn't move to put my bra on. My arms are being raised now over my head, out to the side, and more. That is so exciting to me. I love the water arobics class every day and I also love my workouts (even the walking). I am so grateful that this body is forgiving and can heal itself, and can help me to build my muscles back up. It is so important for all of us no matter what condition we're in to move. Move those wonderful bodies we've been given!
As I sit here and ponder this I am amazed how forgiving a body can be. In my case I have abused this poor old body of mine for 50 years. I have always been over weight but since my husband died and probably for 5 years before that I was pretty much a couch potatoe. I've never exercised because I never new how. Walking is exercise but is my worst enemy, (my trainer loves to walk me, and I am not a nice person when she does) but I am starting to realize how important it is to walk this body. Even to move this body.
It's the little things over the last week that I've noticed changing. When I get done swimming and have to shower and then the trial of getting dressed, most people just throw on their clothes without a thought, I don't it takes a lot of time and effort and I have said it's as hard as a workout. Most people don't even think about jumping in the shower but for a morbedly obese person showering and bathing and keeping up with personal hygeine is very hard. Before I started at the Sports Academy, I hated the way I smelled but the thought of how much work it was to shower or take a bath was more than I could cope with most of the time and so I (I hate nto admit this) just wouldn't. But it has hit me this week how much easier it is getting. Even, guys I'm going to talk girl talk again, putting on my bra is getting doable again. I was to the point my daughter was having to help me get dressed because my arms wouldn't move to put my bra on. My arms are being raised now over my head, out to the side, and more. That is so exciting to me. I love the water arobics class every day and I also love my workouts (even the walking). I am so grateful that this body is forgiving and can heal itself, and can help me to build my muscles back up. It is so important for all of us no matter what condition we're in to move. Move those wonderful bodies we've been given!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Dec. 1st, 2011
Well the weigh in went well. Depending on how you look at it I either lost 10lbs or 4 lbs. we're still debating. I'm down that's all that counts. I was talking to ladies in the pool today, they we're craving a diet coke. I told her I was craving Steak. It's weigh in day so I weigh in the morning and have what I want for the rest of the day. That's always how it's been. I way have to get over this habbit. I didn't go hog while but I really had to much protein, and believe me I'm paying for it. Why do I do this. If any of you have an idea to help me I could sure use some idea's. This is where one day at a time comes in and in my case one minute at a time. Oh well Happy December! PS. did 40 min. of laps at the pool today. That's so cool!
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