Introduction: Why me?,,,Why not me, it's my time!

Oct.17th, 2011
As I start this blog it is with much excitement, anticipation,and thankfulness to the people at the Sports accademy for taking an interest in me and trying to help me. Yet there's that other little voice that's still telling me I'm going to fail, I have doubts, fears, and make mistakes, and I still question WHY ME?  There are those helping me that say why not you, so I'm taking this as my motto; "Why not me, it's my time".  I'm sitting here thinking about the many milestones in our lives like being born, learning to talk and walk, starting school, first dates, graduation, birthdays,getting married, having children, even tragic ones like death.  Today I'm starting a new milestone in my life and that is, to CHANGE.  I turned 50 this year, I have 4 children, I'm widowed, and I'm very morbidly obese.  Do you know how hard that is to say? The first time I heard that phrase was when I was reading my doctors file on me before  handing it over to my new doctor. That was over twenty five year ago.  I couldn't believe he considered me obese let alone MORBIDLY. 
Obviously I have been fat all my life.  I was a member of Weight Watchers when I was 10, then I had 20lbs to lose.  I hit my goal but didn't make changes.  My self esteem has always been low, I have never believed in myself, I was never pushed to do anything as a child or teen.  When I went away to college, having never dated, I married the first man that looked at me. There are things that happened over the years in this marriage that has affected my life, like losing a child, dealing with a sick husband, the list could go on, that have eaten (literally) away at me until I have reached this point of weighting 450lbs.  Don't get me wrong when there's trouble in a marriage it takes two, so I'm as much to blame as he was.  With each child, we were blessed with, the weight came on but I didn't care to get it off.  The bigger I got  I felt somehow sickingly protected. Protected against what?  I think life in general. As I look back and then forward to the present I have gotten very comfortable being fat.  I haven't had to get very close to people because they are uncomfortable around me, being so heavy is kind of like a bubble.  Now that you have a brief overview of who I am and where I'm coming from, I invite you to join me on the most important journey of my life.  Yes I'm scared, scared of letting myself, my children, all of you that are behind me down.  Like I said earier I've never had great self confidence.  I've never known me as healthy, being able to go hiking, or climbing, and it's been years since I fit in an amusement ride.  These are all things I'd like to do. Heck I'd like just to be able to walk down the sidewalk.  As you follow me in this journey, please know I need your help, your ideas your encouragement, and support.  But more than anything besides helping myself, I hope I can help others that might be struggling with the same problems I am.  Please join with me in making this life style change together.  Today is the first day of the rest of our lives, don't look back just concentrate on the future.  Remember my motto: "Why not me... It's my time".