april 26, 2012

It's been a while since I've blogged.  I think it was around Easter when I was finally sending off the candy to my son who is serving a church mission.  Well you'll be glad to know I made it through Easter not having any candy.  We did make potatoe salad though and that was tough.  Potatoe salad is a weekness, even if I used fat free everything in it.  I also wanted to tell you about the cake I made.  I had heard this somewhere so I tried it.  You can use any type of cake mix, I had a yellow cake, and all you add is a can of pop.  I used a diet 7-up.  It was great!  I then poked holes all over and poured sugar free jello on it.  You put it in the fridge to harden up I topped it with fat free whipped cream and it was so good.
As most of you know if you've followed me, I've been having a hard time getting to my first goal of losing 45 pounds which is 10 percent of my starting weight.  I haven't figured out whats going on except I need to do better with everything.  I've thought alot about my attitude and how I've been feeling about this process, and my trainer is tring so hard to help with every area.  But I almost think I'm afraid of accepting these changes, I'll be honest it scares me to death.  I've always been heavy thats what I've always been judged by.  But my trainer is working so hard on me to accept my successes whether big or small, to learn to be happy again and to celebrate life.  I think of things I want to say in my blog, it seems, at night.  So I have a pad next to my bed and when my mind is going at it then I write down what I'm thinking otherwise I'll forget.  So I have written:  We learn more from our setbacks that we learn from our successes.  It has taken me 6 months to finally reach my first goal.  It's been a journey with a lot of set backs, but each one of those setbacks were such learning moments, that if not have had, today wouldn't have been so sweet.  I'm so excited to announce I have met my first goal.  I have lost 46 lbs. which also means I have met another goal and that is that for the first time, in a very long time I am below 400lbs.  I am in the 300's I am so excited.  Another thing I had written on my note pad was ACCEPT SUCCESS!  I am thrilled to be able to finally say I was successful reaching my first goal.  To see the difference in what I can do is increadible I even mowed my lawn yesterday, it might have taken me almost 2 1/2 hours but I did it.  It's probably been at least 10 years since I've mowed my lawn.  I am trying hard to accept these new successes in my life, and I hope all of you are to, know matter what your journey, know matter what your successes embrace them.  I hope this gives me the insentive to work even harder so that maybe it can come off just a little faster, but like I said the setbacks always teach us more and then allow the successes to be that much sweeter.  I hope all of you have success in whatever life is throwing at you, remember we're on this journey together.  Thank you to all that have been so caring to me I could not be doing this without your words of encouragement, and interest in my success.  You are what keeps me going because I would hate to let any of you down, so THANK YOU!  I have met some great new friends at the Sports Academy.  This journey truly is giving me my life back, Thank you!

4/3/12

Just a quick note.  I am up to 39 lbs. and 45 ".  This week and over the last several weeks I have been stressing over the all mighty taxes.  Tomorrow my accountant comes so today and this last week I have been doing nothing but tring to figure out a years worth of books reciepts etc.  Well I know this year it's gone a lot smother because I've been excerising.  It just is helping me cope better.  So I am grateful for that.  Am seeing a big difference, but still have so much to work on, I think it's going to be a slow process.  But one that I'm learning so much, thanks to all of you that are helping me.

3/24/12

It's funny how a totally awesome day where I had gotten up,was at the gym for a great pool workout, came home put makeup on, did my hair, went to a lovely baptism, came home and helped a customer, and while helping her her grandchild inocently says, Grandma that ladies big!  Not only did that embarrass the customer but it brought me back down to reality about how I look to others.  I felt so good about what I've accomplished, and in an instant felt like this whole journey is a waste of time. I know it isn't and I've had my cry feeling sorry for myself.  Now life will go on, but I sure wish people wouldn't talk about peoples looks in front of their kids, because that little girl sure didn't learn to judge peoples looks from a book, she was to young to read. I hope everyone else has a great spring day!  The journey continues...

3/20/12

I want you all to know I just came from ZUMBA!  It was so fun, I couldn't move as fast as everybody else and I ended up sitting down sometimes but I finally went and got through it.  Anybody that wants to go with me I'd appreciate a buddy.  My trainer wants me to work on moving more or getting my steps up more during the day, so I finally went outside and walked a bit the other day.  I hate walking outside, but I'm trying also used my tredmill the other day and walked longer than I ever have walked on that machine.  I have never walked over 5min. at a time on that machine, I did 20 min.  I know that doesn't sound like much to most people but it's a huge acomplishment for me.  Tomorrows weigh in day wish me luck.  I've been really trying hard.  Thanks for all your support, and for your comments I finally figured out how to find them and read them you are amazing and I appreciate you all.  Lets do this together!  Have a great night maybe with Zumba I'll sleep!

3/16/12

Yesterday was a productive day.  I was finally back in the pool where I feel like home in.  That was until my trainer showed up, she kicked my butt, during our training hour, but came back during the 9:00 water class and kicked all our butts.  Some of those older ladies didn't know what hit them. After class they were all saying how hard it was and she really worked them.  I said but you did it.  She also wants me to start walking an additional 20 min. a day at home out side.  To all of you that might not seem like a lot but to someone that sits all day on her butt, its a lot to ask. 4 months ago I couldn't have done it. On wednesday I made a goal at 2:00 I was going to walk.  I didn't go out side but I do have a very nice heavy duty tredmill in my bedroom (how many of us have these) so I dusted it off removed all the clothes that were hung on it and stepped on and walked 20 min.  I can honestly say I have never walked more than 5 min. on that tredmill before.  I was talking on the phone to my daughter and I just kept telling her KEEP Talking to me.  I walked over a 1/2 mile, thats pretty good for me.  I never was able to walk very fast even in school when I was a teenager it would take me 20 min. to walk a mile.  So I just need to double my time and I'll be back in high school. Yesterday I actually walked outside.  I went down to get the mail, then realized I didn't have the key, I was so mad I walked backed got in my car and drove back.  Now I realize a sninny person would have walked back, but I'm not skinny, YET!  In this journey, even as slow as I feel it's going, I am succeding.  I'm doing things I never thought I'd ever do again.  I was watching a show the other night, and they were climbing a rock wall.  My kids all do that and I made it a goal to do that.  Today when my time with Mary was over she started teaching a Boot Camp class, and she was deminstrating a Push up that they were to do.  Well this was no ordinary pushup, she was holding onto the weights, she pushed herself up, lifted a back leg, put it down, lifted the other, put it down, and then lifted the arm with the weight, and then the other.  It was so cool, I told her I want to be able to do just one of those and deminstrate it in front of my son when he gets home off his mission.  I'm down to 14 months, and counting.
I also had a breakthrough last night with food.  My daughter is out of town on a school trip.  I was home alone, and I was hungry.  I wanted so badly to go to Wingers, but I had no money, But that has never stopped me before.  Then I thought Panda Express.  So I stopped and looked up calaries, there was know way I was going to blow all my hard work from yesterday with all those caleries and the sodium levels are terrible.  So I saqt myself down inventoried what I had and made a stirfry with what I had in my fridge.  It was so good, and I'm proud of myself!  It might not be working as fast as I'd like,or as fast as some people think it should come off, but I'm learning there's a lot more to this process than just losing weight.  There's a mind factor that has got to change, and that process is taking a long time, and I'm realizing will probably take a lifetime.  It's continueally changing, when I think I may be conquering one thing then another thing pops up or I slip somewhere else.  It will be ongoing forever but that's what earthlife is all about I quess.  Hang in there and keep going on each of our journeys.  Have a great day!

3/9/12

Yesterday was my 51 Birthday!  Today I walked my first countinuous mile in years, Without sitting down.  What a long way I've come in 4 months.  It was truly a happy birthday.  Thanks to all that encourage me, and hope we all encourage each other on our different journeys.  We are all at the gym for different reasons  but one goal and that is to be able to do the very best we can at what ever we're doing. I'm grateful for this opportunity, and today I'm grateful for the beautiful sunshine, and that for the first time in probably 15 years actually want to be outside to enjoy the beautiful day!  Please take a moment and go outside and takein the beautiful surroundings we have here.  I hope you have a great day!

3/4/12

Finally, I remembered my password and finally got back in.  I've been trying all week. 
My oldest son is leaving home tomorrow, I have had an extremely hard weekend.  My kids more than once have said I have my angry voice back.  They will never understand until they have kids of their own.  He's 27 it's time he leave, I know he was sticking around because he was concerned about me.  I think finally he feels confortable enough to leave, and that's a achievement in itself.  I have never wanted my kids to feel like I need them to take of me.  I get stronger and more mobile everyday, and am so thankful for this journey.  But...I will say I still have a problem that I can say has always been a problem, and that is going for food when I don't want to deal with something(like my son leaving).  This weekend has been difficult I have been craving all sorts of things.  I really would like a mamouth hamberger, x large order of fries and a giant milkshake all from Labeau's.  My kids have fought me off all weekend, and I have not been nice(hence my angry voice).  So last night after every body left home alone again I sat down and ate a box of skinny cow chocolate carmel clusters that equals about 720 cal.  Who did it hurt ME could it have been so much worse YES.  That is why it will always be a journey.  Life always has things being thrown at us, and yes I'm getting better at how I handle them, but then at times the old cravings (Labeau's) come back with a vengence. I am learning though with all the hard work at the gym, and the results that I'm starting to see, that it's getting a little easier to tell or find things to give me the same satisfaction that are different than always going to food.  So that is progress.  I'm going to have to work a little harder this week.  But I'll do it. Oh by the way I got a belt to fit that I bought 4 months ago, when it didn't fit. Yea!!!Have a great week!